


Family Ties

by Jamiebeth



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Gen, Nandor Being Nandor, Slight pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 07:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24467215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamiebeth/pseuds/Jamiebeth
Summary: Thanks to Colin Robinson's expectation of a gourmet meal,  Guillermo's estranged sister arrives at the house, unaware that vampires exist. Guillermo wants to keep it that way. Nandor is Nandor.
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 98





	Family Ties

Colin Robinson was grinning broadly, which was a sign of imminent danger. Even worse, Guillermo thought, Colin Robinson was smiling at him, which meant that pretty soon he would be embarrassed, annoyed, angry, frustrated, bored, or practically unconscious. Or all of those things at once.

“Hello,” Colin Robinson said to Guillermo. 

“Hi,” Guillermo replied noncommittally, focusing all his attention on fluffing the ornate pillows on the living room couch. 

“I bet you’re wondering to yourself why I’m home and not at work this fine Friday afternoon.”

“No.” Fluff, fluff.

“There I was, at my desk, when I noticed that the new woman four cubicles away from me was the spitting image of you. I went over and asked her her last name, and imagine my surprise when it was the same as yours. She’s absolutely lovely, so we talked some more. Turns out, she’s your sister.” The grin on Colin Robinson’s face was beastly. 

Guillermo, having anticipated anything but that, paused for a moment. “Yes. Maria,” he replied. Fluff, fluff..punch!

“Punching pillows is a healthy form of emotional expression. Also, FYI, Maria’s in the parlor. Yeah. She was so excited when I told her I lived with you that she took the afternoon off just to see you. She said you haven’t talked in eleven years. That’s a long time. Must be some pretty bad blood between the two of you, no pun intended.”

“So you brought her here to patch things up? Are you crazy?!” Guillermo shouted, turning on Colin Robinson threateningly with the pillow. Anger was definitely the special on the menu tonight. 

“Anything I can do to help,” Colin Robinson offered, unfazed. “Well, come on. Let’s not keep our guest waiting.” 

“Ay Dios mio,” Guillermo muttered, looking heavenward, and then threw the pillow as hard as he could at the couch. He followed the energy vampire into the parlor where a young Hispanic woman was examining one of Nadja’s decorative skulls. 

She saw Guillermo and squealed, “Guillermo?! Oh my god!” and then ran to him and pulled him into a tight embrace which he stiffened against. “I’m so sorry. I was stupid. I was wrong. I should never have said those things to you. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Extremely touched by her words, words that he had always hoped—but never expected—to hear from her, Guillermo let go of eleven years of resentment with a sigh. He returned the embrace, tears forming. “Thank you, Maria. I missed you so much.”

Colin Robinson was disappointed. He had planned on a much more substantial late lunch. Oh well, he thought, watching the two reconcile, there was always traffic school in the evening. 

v---v v---v v---v 

Maria and Guillermo chatted away in the parlor until shortly before dusk. Maria confessed that she had wanted to apologize for a long time, but years had passed, and it had become more and more difficult for her to build up the courage. Guillermo understood; he would have felt the same way, he reassured her. Then they caught up on each other’s lives. Maria was engaged, she had graduated from NYU with a business degree four years ago, and she liked her new job because her officemates, Colin Robinson especially, were very friendly. Guillermo, meanwhile, told her about his job as the “caregiver” to Colin Robinson’s “disabled” roommate. 

“He can’t be exposed to sunlight or it’ll kill him,” he explained.

“Wow,” Maria said in amazement. She'd never heard of an affliction like that before.

“There’s a married couple in the house who has the same disease. I help them too if I’m free. It’s a good setup,” Guillermo added. It was, now more than ever with his one day off a week. 

But it was getting late, and the vampires would awaken soon. Guillermo wanted his sister out of the house before that happened, which ran the risk of Nandor, Nadja, and Laszlo confusing her with their evening meal. He kept their true nature from Maria; she wouldn’t believe him, and on the off chance she did, she’d be so scared that he’d never see her again. For real this time.

Unfortunately, Nandor chose to wake up early and dress himself, which he did occasionally. The sun’s rays were dim enough that he felt safe going downstairs.

“Guillermo? Fetch me my…oh, hello,” Nandor said to the succulent-looking stranger from the doorway to the parlor. His eyes darkened in hunger. If he were a cartoon, he’d be a wolf with saliva dripping from his mouth and pooling on the ground. 

“Nandor!” Guillermo exclaimed. 

“Excuse me?! We are on a first-name basis now? I am Nandor?” Nandor, offended, demanded of his familiar.

“Sorry. Master.” 

Maria looked sideways at Guillermo. He smiled at her reassuringly. “He’s picky about what I call him. It’s not a big deal,” he clarified and then went over to Nandor. 

“Who is our guest?” Nandor inquired, figuratively licking his chops. 

Maria started to get up, but Guillermo waved her back, keeping himself between her and his hungry vampire master. To Nandor he asked, “Can we talk in the other room, please?” 

Nandor, put upon, sighed melodramatically. “I suppose so.” 

“Be right back,” Guillermo told Maria.

He grabbed Nandor’s arm to guide him towards the small kitchen in the back of the house. Even more offended about the arm grab than the name slight, Nandor said, “Oh, now you’re touching me? First I am Nandor, and then you pull me like a reluctant poodle on a leash?” Nandor shook off Guillermo’s grip.

“Sorry, Master,” Guillermo said once they were out of earshot. “She’s my sister, Maria. You have to promise me you won’t eat her.”

Nandor smiled. All of his sharp fangs were on display. “She looks so juicy, even though she’s not a virgin.” 

“Ew! Gross! Don’t tell me that!”

“It’s true.”

“Whatever. I don’t care. Don’t eat her. She’s my family.”

“Fine,” Nandor huffed petulantly. 

“Thank you. I have to say goodbye,” Guillermo said.

The vampire started to pout.

“What?” Guillermo snapped. 

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” 

“She doesn’t know you’re a vampire. It would scare her.”

“I promise I won’t say anything vampiric to her.” 

Guillermo considered Nandor’s statement carefully, and decided that it would be best for his master to satisfy his curiosity or he'd never hear the end of it. Vampires, being immortal, griped about perceived slights for decades. 

“Ok. I told her I take care of you and that you have a sun allergy.”

“Ok-A.” 

v---v v---v v---v

“Maria? I’d like you to meet my employer, Mr…uh…Master,” Guillermo said to his sister, who extended her hand to Nandor. 

Nandor shook Maria’s hand gently. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

“You too,” Maria said. She couldn’t help blushing a little; Nandor was a handsome vampire. 

“Guillermo tells me you’re his sister. I had forty-four sisters from my father’s twenty-three wives. I also had fifty-two brothers.” Nandor declared. 

“Oh?” Maria replied.

Guillermo jumped in. “He’s joking. He’s such a kidder.”

“No, it’s true,” said Nandor. “I am ashamed that I come from such a small family.” 

“So funny,” Guillermo said, panicking.

Ever helpful, Nandor supplied Maria with even more details about his history. “I named my horse John after my favorite sister.' 

“Huh,” Maria responded. 

“Yes. But then I had to eat my horse. I got to say goodbye to his ghost, though, so I have that going for me. Have you ever gone into battle?” Nandor asked.

“Every day, it feels like sometimes. It’s hard out there,” Maria admitted.

“It is,” Nandor agreed. “I wish it were softer. Coming in for a landing would be easier on the feet.”

“I hear you, man,” Maria empathized. “Listen, I’ve got to run. Once again it was nice meeting you. You’re hilarious. Guillermo’s lucky to work for you.”

“Thank you. He’s lucky to have a sister like you. You remind me a little bit of John.” 

“Your sister?” Maria asked.

“No, my horse.”

“Oh, man. You are funny,” Maria said.

Nandor and Maria smiled at each other. 

“Well then, it’s getting late.” Guillermo said, looking pointedly at Nandor. 

Nandor took the hint. “Oh. Yes. It's dark now. I must go and slaughter virgins. Goodbye, Maria.” He took his leave, making a big show for Guillermo’s benefit of opening the front door rather than turning into mist and exiting the house through the crack under the door. Guillermo rolled his eyes. 

Maria turned to Guillermo. She gave him another hug. “I really like him.”

“Me too, sometimes,” Guillermo admitted. 

“Hey,” Maria said, “what I told you eleven years ago, it’s not true. I was angry at you because I was angry in general. We were dealt a crappy life. We were poor, Dad disappeared, Mom was always working, and when you told me you were gay I thought that meant I couldn’t be around you anymore. I mean, who would want their little sister around when they were trying to meet guys? That’s all it was; I never thought being gay was wrong. You’re allowed to love whoever you want, male, female, vampire…”

“Vampire?!” 

“It’s all ok. Love is love. We’re blessed when we find it.”

“He doesn’t know,” Guillermo admitted.

“Yeah, guys are dumb like that.” Maria winked at Guillermo. “We better stay in touch, brother.”

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” 

Guillermo walked his sister to her car. He waved to her as he watched her drive off and then turned back to the house. He had a good life. 


End file.
